The Worst Betrayal To Ever Happen*

*to a mentally unstable, baseball-obsessed 21-year-old girl.

Yesterday my world came crashing to halt when I found out that I had been betrayed by my first true love. Jacoby Ellsbury signed a seven year deal with the Evil Empire. Of all the teams in all of baseball, he signed with the damn Yankees. Jacoby is going to be donning pinstripes and making $153 million for 70% of the next decade. To a 21-year-old college senior, seven years is far beyond the foreseeable future. It will go to the end of the 2020 season and I will be half way dead. My friends might be getting married and having children within that time. Poor, unfortunate children who will be born into a world where Jacoby plays for the wrong side of baseball’s greatest rivalry.

Think of it this way, seven years ago it was 2006. There had never been a black president or an iPhone and skinny jeans were just introduced into the fashion world. The #1 single of the year was “Bad Day,” The Departed won the Academy Award for Best Picture and That’s So Raven was still on the Disney Channel. Britney Spears had never been bald, Robert Pattinson was not a sparkly vampire and Justin Bieber was just a random 12-year-old in Canada. IT WAS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORLD. Seven years might as well be forever.

The Yankees have single-handedly ruined the next seven years of my life. What am I supposed to do with all of my Jacoby Ellsbury paraphernalia? Can I wear my Ellsbury jersey? Can I hang my autographed photo? Can I drink my Zinfandellsbury wine? Do I have to take him off my wall of men? How am I supposed to forget the last six years of love and happiness we shared and shun him as a traitor? That’s six years of emotional and financial investments that can’t easily be erased.

No matter what the future holds, the Yankees can’t pay $153 million to change the past. Let’s take a look back on our love story my deep and very concerning delusions.

In September 2007 Jacoby Ellsbury was called up from Pawtucket and added to the Red Sox’s 40 man roster. I didn’t know anything about him except that he was a rookie and as fast as a leopard. I always had a soft spot for rookies and I loved him before I was in love with him. He was Rookie of the Month for September and lit up the ALCS and World Series as the starting center fielder. When I watched a playoff game on my Uncle’s HD TV, I realized what a babe Jacoby is and that’s when I began to lose all remnants of my sanity. To top it all off, he won free tacos for all of America. How could you not fall in love? I went to the parade and displayed my love for him.Image

November 10, 2007 was a magical day. As most love stories go, I was 15 and awkward and waiting in line to meet and get an autograph from the love of my life. I got the front and on my photo he wrote: “To: Briana. Jacoby Ellsbury 46” “My Dearest Briana, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? With love, Jacoby♥”
Image

May 21, 2008 I went to my first Red Sox game and since Jacoby knew how special it was to me, he hit me a home run and the Red Sox won the game.

September 11, 2012 my friends and I went to the Red Sox game on Jacoby’s birthday. Even though the Red Sox were completely out of the running for postseason, it was a great game. Jacoby hit a walk-off to beat the Yankees. I nearly died.Image

Jacoby played like the all star he is throughout the 2013 postseason. My mom and I went to ALCS Game 6 where I first found that he changed his walkout song. When I heard “Niggas in Paris,” one of my favorite songs, I lost my mind. It was another sign that we were meant to be together. During Game 6 of the World Series we watched Jacoby’s last at bat in a Red Sox jersey and there was some memorable base running to go along with it.

Then the season ended. Jacoby was a free agent and he would not be returning to Boston. I tried to mentally prepare myself to bid adieu to my favorite Sox player. He wasn’t my favorite just because he is a major babe (Major Babe), my boy has mad baseball skills. The Yankees aren’t paying him $153 million for his good looks. At his best, Jacoby is a superstar on the field. I miss him already.

Now my first celeb husband plays for a team I hate with the fire of a thousand suns. So if you need me, I’ll be listening to “Someone Like You” and crying for the next seven years.
crying (4)

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