Dramatic Things I’ve Said Part 3

In case you missed Dramatic Things I’ve Said Part 1 and Part 2…here are more words that have spewed from my mouth.

“If there are only two things I love it’s stormtroopers and swag.”

“There’s nothing grosser than Justin Bieber’s mustache.”

“Tonight I’m going to see the 5 greatest people on this Earth.” (on attending a One Direction concert)

“When I don’t have a book to read it’s like my life has no meaning.”

“I’m pretty sure if I walked home from here I would get home first.” (in traffic, 34 miles from home)

“I might as well have been shot.” (on not having enough storage to take a Snapchat video)

“This is what the Jews must have felt like when Moses led them through the desert.” (walking from the end of a parking lot to the store)

“It enrages me when my burger doesn’t come with french fries. It just- I can’t- my inside is just- flames. There are flames in my core.”

“What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and smashed potatoes?”
Smashed potatoes have skin in it.
“Oh, so you mean ruined potatoes?”

“I would kill anyone who put a pickle spear on my plate. I would kill them with the spear from the pickle.”

“The most bangin thing Jesus did was turn water into wine.”

“Anyone who eats Kit Kats without breaking off each piece deserves to perish.”

“If you talk while Taylor Swift says ‘this sick beat,’ you are dead to me.”

“This song [Cruise] is the absolute bane of my existence.”

“If I see #RE2PECT one more time I’m going to throw up on everyone.”

“The day Leo wins an Oscar will be the best day of my life.”

“Honestly, I can’t think of anything worse than special reports that interrupt regularly scheduled programs.”

“I could write a Shakespearean tragedy about my lack of empanadas.”

“Everyone is better than Miley Cyrus.”

“My phone is at 3%. This is the worst fate.”

“I’ve had to pee like 17 times today and I didn’t even drink that much so I’m probably dying.”

“If I could eliminate anything in this world it would be country music.”

“I hate doors than aren’t automatic, what am I? A peasant?”

“Now I’m Facebook messaging on my phone from Safari like a homeless person.”

“There is nothing worse than when reality competition shows don’t go your way.”

“If Internet Explorer was a building I would burn it to the ground.”

“I hope he gets into a fight with someone he loves today.” (road rage)

“One good dead? ONE good deed?! I would rather be a dog than watch 99 more episodes of this.” (throwback to 7-year-old me watching 100 Good Deeds for Eddie McDowd)

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