12 Ways To Get A Girl To Go Out With You

“Can I buy you a drink?” “No.”

1. Buy her a book
buy a book not a drink
Alternatively you can give her a library.

2. Give her your Netflix password
napolean dynamite netflix meme
The modern “dinner and movie” is Netflix and pizza. Speaking of which…

3. Follow her home and deliver her a pizza
pizza delivery man
If you see a girl you like, follow her until she goes home. Once you know where she lives, go to the nearest pizza place and buy one large pizza. You might be a stalker, but you have pizza.

4. Buy her concert tickets
concert tickets
“I couldn’t help but notice your adorable and not all uncomfortable public dancing to Shake It Off, want to go see Taylor Swift?”

5. Pretend your a secret agent and you need her help
Film Title: The Bourne Legacy
If she’s alone hurriedly sit at her table, maybe jump in her car/taxi, or just start walking with her and hold her hand. Explain to her you’re being followed by very dangerous people and she needs to act natural. Bonus points if you have a motorcycle and bag presumably filled with money or the secret formula for saving the human race. She might freak out and/or punch you in the face for being so invasive OR it might be totally awesome.

6. Ask her if she wants to go out for some caramels
caramels candy
Preface by telling your friends: “I gotta go see about a girl.” Caramels are just as arbitrary as coffee and if she doesn’t get the reference it’s not your fault.
If you got all 3 references, A+. If you still don’t know what I’m talking about, stop reading now and take 2 hours and 6 minutes out of your day to watch one of the best movies ever made.

7. Buy her ice cream
ice cream gif
It is scientifically proven* that no one can deny ice cream.

*No, it’s not. But it might as well be.

8. Gather up your acapella buddies and serenade her

9. Hang out the side of your best friend’s ride and try to holler at her
people in car
Just kidding, she don’t want no scrubs.

10. Look her up and down and say “How you doin’?”
friends gif how you doin
WARNING: If she hasn’t seen Friends she will think you are extremely creepy. (But she hasn’t seen Friends, so it wouldn’t work out anyway)

11. Call her name, hand her a rose and ask if she will accept it
bachelor rose gif
If she accepts, go on an extremely extravagant first date (e.g. helicopter ride over the city, go to a recording studio to be serenaded by Seal, ride a gondola in Venice) and share way more about your life story than you would in any normal first date circumstance.

12. Run up to her, tag her, yell “you’re it,” then run away
cute cat and dog gif
If she plays along, run to a place that has delicious cheeseburgers.

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Your Favorite Characters Scientifically Sorted Into Factions

Here’s how all the book and movie characters you love (and love to hate…and deeply despise) would be divided among the Factions in Divergent.

divergent factions symbols
This based on ~*science*~

Abnegation

Darrel “Darry” Curtis (The Outsiders)
Severus Snape (Harry Potter)
Dobby (Harry Potter)
Hodor (A Song of Ice and Fire)
The Grandfather (The Princess Bride)
Boo Radley (To Kill A Mockingbird)
Jorah Mormont (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Charlie Bucket (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
Emily Fields (Pretty Little Liars)
Charlotte A. Cavatica (Charlotte’s Web)
Bob Cratchit (A Christmas Carol)
Tiny Tim (A Christmas Carol)
Samwise Gamgee (Lord of the Rings)
Molly Weasley (Harry Potter)
Snow White
Alfred Pennyworth (Batman)
R2-D2 (Star Wars)
Edward Cullen (Twilight)
Charlie (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)
Juliette Ferrars (Fracture Me)
Hans Hubermann (The Book Thief)
Genie (Aladdin)
Slinky Dog (Toy Story)
Jack Dawson (Titanic)
Gwen Cromwell Piper (Halloweentown)

Amity

Peeta Mellark (The Hunger Games)
Primrose Everdeen (The Hunger Games)
Neville Longbottom (Harry Potter)
Cedric Diggory (Harry Potter)
Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter)
Ponyboy Curtis (The Outsiders)
Johnny Cade (The Outsiders)
Ned Stark (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Buttercup (The Princess Bride)
Fezzik (The Princess Bride)
Aria Montgomery (Pretty Little Liars)
Captain America/Steve Rogers
Pooh Bear
Susan Pevensie (The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe)
Charles Xavier (X-Men)
Superman/Clark Kent
Mary Jane Watson (Spider-Man)
Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars)
C-3PO (Star Wars)
Adam Kent (Shatter Me)
Lennie (Of Mice and Men)
Aimee Finnicky (The Spectacular Now)
The Magic Carpet (Aladdin)
Pi (Life of Pi)
Charlie Swan (Twilight)
Buzz Lightyear (Toy Story)
Barbie (Toy Story)
Rex (Toy Story)
Cameron James (10 Things I Hate About You)
Rose DeWitt Bukater (Titanic)
Sandy Olsson (Grease)
Gretchen Weiners (Mean Girls)
Cady Heron (Mean Girls)
Claire Standish (The Breakfast Club)
Cher Horowitz (Cluesless)
Will Turner (Pirates of the Caribbean)
Elizabeth Swann (Pirates of the Caribbean)
Chuckie Sullivan (Good Will Hunting)
Todd Anderson (Dead Poets Society)
Sophie Piper (Halloweentown)

Candor

Drunk Haymitch Abernathy (The Hunger Games)
Ron Weasley (Harry Potter)
Shae (A Song of Ice and Fire)
The Albino (The Princess Bride)
Deborah Morgan (Dexter)
Newt (The Maze Runner)
Willy Wonka (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
Hanna Marin (Pretty Little Liars)
Ebeneezer Scrooge (A Christmas Carol)
Junie B. Jones
Magneto (X-Men)
Luke Skywalker (Star Wars)
Ian Malcolm (Jurassic Park)
John Hammond (Jurassic Park)
Jacob Black (Twlight)
Patrick (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)
Lily (The Giver)
Liesel Meminger (The Book Thief)
Nala (The Lion King)
Princess Jasmine (Aladdin)
The Tiger (Life of Pi)
Mr. Potato Head (Toy Story)
Hamm (Toy Story)
Bianca Stratford (10 Things I Hate About You)
Joey Donner (10 Things I Hate About You)
Vivian Ward  (Pretty Woman)
Molly Brown (Titanic)
Lilly Moscovitz (The Princess Diaries)
Frenchy (Grease)
Karen Smith (Mean Girls)
Andrew Clark (The Breakfast Club)
Dionne “Dee” Davenport (Clueless)
Skylar (Good Will Hunting)
Knox Overestreet (Dead Poets Society)
Fat Amy (Pitch Perfect)

Dauntless

Gale Hawthorne (The Hunger Games)
Fred Weasley (Harry Potter)
George Weasley (Harry Potter)
Dallas Winston (The Outsiders)
Sodapop Curtis (The Outsiders)
Robb Stark (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Robert Baratheon (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Jaime Lannister (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Oberyn Martell (A Song of Ice and Fire)
The Mountain (A Song of Ice and Fire)
The Hound (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Indigo Montoya (The Princess Bride)
Alaska Young (Looking for Alaska)
Minho (The Maze Runner)
Daenerys Targaren (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Thor
Iron Man/Tony Stark
The Hulk
Peter Pan
Pippi Longstocking
Wolverine (X-Men)
Bane (Batman)
Han Solo (Star Wars)
Sam (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)
Kenji Kishimoto (Shatter Me)
Sutter Keely (The Spectacular Now)
Patrick Verona (10 Things I Hate About You)
Danny Zuko (Grease)
Betty Rizzo (Grease)
Kenickie (Grease)
John Bender (The Breakfast Club)
Allison Reynolds (The Breakfast Club)
Chel (The Road to El Dorado)
T-Rex (Jurassic Park)
Marnie Piper (Halloweentown)

Erudite

Sober Haymitch Abernathy (The Hunger Games)
Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)
Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter)
Ginny Weasley (Harry Potter)
Sherlock Holmes
Sansa Stark (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Catelyn Stark (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Tyrion Lannister (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Tywin Lannister (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Margery Tyrell (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Vizzini (The Princess Bride)
Dexter Morgan (Dexter)
Scout Finch (To Kill A Mockingbird)
Jem Finch (To Kill A Mockingbird)
Hazel Grace Lancaster (The Fault in Our Stars)
Theresea (The Maze Runner)
Matilda
Lisbeth Salander (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)
Spencer Hastings (Pretty Little Liars)
Annabeth Chase (Percy Jackson)
Gandalf (The Lord of the Rings)
Bruce Banner
Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)
Leia Organa (Star Wars)
Alan Grant (Jurassic Park)
Velociraptor (Jurassic Park)
Aaron Warner (Shatter Me)
George (Of Mice and Men)
Rafiki (The Lion King)
Woody (Toy Story)
Kat Stratford (10 Things I Hate About You)
Regina George (Mean Girls)
Brian Johnson (The Breakfast Club)
Tulio (The Road to El Dorado)
Will Hunting (Good Will  Hunting)
Dylan Piper (Halloweentown)
Spock (Star Trek)
Beca (Pitch Perfect)

Divergent

Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games)
Harry Potter
Voldemort (Harry Potter)
Arya Stark (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Jon Snow (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Westley (The Princess Bride)
Elphaba (Wicked)
Atticus Finch (To Kill A Mockingbird)
August Waters (The Fault in Our Stars)
Thomas (The Maze Runner)
Percy Jackson
Batman/Bruce Wayne
The Joker (Batman)
Lucy Pevensie (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe)
Darth Vader (Star Wars)
Robert Neville (I Am Legend)
Jonas (The Giver)
The Giver
Jason Bourne
Mufasa (The Lion King)
Aladdin
Mia Thermopolis (Princess Diaries)
Queen Clarisse Renaldi (Princess Diaries)
Glenn Coco (Mean Girls)
Anastasia
Dimitri (Anastasia)
Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)
Sean Maguire (Good Will Hunting)
John Keating (Dead Poets Society)
Neil Perry (Dead Poets Society)
Aggie Cromwell (Halloweentown)
James T. Kirk (Star Trek)
Indiana Jones
James Bond

Factionless *gasp*

Joffrey Baratheon (A Song of Ice and Fire) (fuck you)
Veruca Salt (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
Bella Swan (Twilight)
Cha-Cha DiGregorio (Grease)

The 2 Websites Every Book Lover Must Know

You’re welcome.

1. Goodreads

Goodreads logo

I joined Goodreads about a year ago and, as an emphatic bookworm, it’s one of the best things to happen to me. It’s a social network but for books instead of people. *Heaven open, angels sing* HALLELUJAH! The book gods have spoken, and they are pleased. Goodreads is the best way to keep track of books you want to read, organize the books you’ve read, see what books your friends have read and it will even suggest books you might like based on your book ratings.

You can create different “shelves” and organize your books however your heart desires. I love organizing my books because: 1. I’m a little OCD; and 2. It makes it very easy to find books to suggest to friends. I read so many books that I cannot keep track of them all, but I can just look at my Goodreads shelves, see what I rated different books and make recommendations accordingly.

Another great thing is that you can be as social or antisocial as you want and still get a lot from the website. You can connect with your Facebook friends and see what books they’ve read and how they rated them, you can join an online book club and join in conversations to make new friends, or you can never friend anyone ever and just find great books to read. All legitimate options and equally great choices.

2. Thriftbooks
Thriftbooks logo

Thriftbooks is probably the greatest thing to happen. Ever. Its tagline is “Spend less. Read more.” Are you kidding? What is more perfect than that? Besides a brunch date with Harry Styles, nothing. Up until my discovery of Thriftbooks, the biggest struggle of my life was deciding whether to buy or borrow books. My dream is have a library of my own, a room just filled with books upon books that are all mine. But, as a constantly broke college student, it’s hard to justify buying books when you can take them from the public library for free. On the other hand, it’s impossible to grow a library if you always have to return the books you read.

Enter Thriftbooks — the answer to all my prayers. This magical website is a place where you can buy books for cheap. So. Cheap. I’m talking $2.89 cheap. Not all the books are that cheap, but you can get most books for a single digit price. There’s also some great 3 for $7.99 deals. They’re used but you can choose whether you want “Good,” “Acceptable,” etc. But all the books I’ve gotten have been in great condition. I’m not fancy, I don’t need brand new books. As long as it’s readable and there aren’t any actors on the cover, it’s good enough for me.

But wait! There’s more! The shipping is FREE! *fireworks explode and chocolate rains from the sky* You can order any book and it will ship anywhere in America absolutely free! You can even get a 50¢ discount if you order more than one book from the same location. They also offer gift cards which makes the perfect gift for any bookworm. *hint hint*

The Maze Runner: Book Review

The Maze Runner book cover art

Book: The Maze Runner by James Dashner

Publisher/Year: Random House Children’s Books/2009

Genre: YA, Sci-Fi, Dystopia

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ – Outstanding

Who’s going to be in the movie?
Dylan O’Brien (the best friend in Teen Wolf)
Will Poulter (the “son” in We’re the MillersThe Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader)
Thomas Brodie-Sangster (the adorable love-struck child in Love Actually, the warg guy who gets seizures and hangs out with Bran inGame of Thrones, Ferb of Phineas and Ferb)

When can I watch it?
NOT UNTIL SEPTEMBER 19. UGH.

What’s it about?
Thomas (O’Brien) wakes up in what appears to be a large freight elevator and doesn’t remember anything about himself besides his name; he has no idea where he is, where he’s been, who is mother is or even how old he is. Eventually the elevator stops and the doors open from above him and he sees a group of teenage boys staring down at him. Once he’s out he finds out he’s in a place called the Glade — a huge piece of land with a few shacks were the boys live, a farm for food and a small area of trees. But the most intriguing part about the the Glade is that it is in the center of a giant unsolvable maze.

The boys (Gladers) have been there for two years with a new boy (a Greenie) coming up from the Box once a month. No one knows how or why they are there. Like Thomas, the only thing anyone can remember is his name. Then things get shaken up because the next day the Box opens again and there’s a girl inside. Game. Changer. No one knows what this means or what to think of the girl or the ominous note that came with her. All the Gladers know is that they have to keep trying to solve the Maze no matter how hopeless it may seem.

What did you think?
I LOVE THIS BOOK. I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH. Yes, it’s another young adult post-apocalyptic trilogy…but it’s one of the best of it’s kind (second only to The Hunger Games). I’ve read it twice and I still couldn’t put it down the second time around even though I knew what was going to happen. It’s. So. Good.

Along with Thomas, I just had to find out who all these boys (and girl) were, who put them there and why. I couldn’t put the book down because I had to learn everything I could about the Glade and about the Maze from Alby, the apparent leader, and Newt (Brodie-Sangster), one of the older boys and seemingly second-in-command. Dashner achieved the perfect balance of information and suspense; he tells you enough so you feel like you’re starting to figure things out, but not enough that you can put it all together. He teases you with pieces of the puzzle to keep you hooked but doesn’t let you see the big picture until the end.

I also happen to be in love with all the characters. Okay, not all the characters, but enough of them so that it works. I love Thomas, I love Newt, I love Minho and I love this book. Minho is a Runner (someone who runs throughout the Maze looking for a way out) and he is my favorite. His sarcasm and sharp tongue are some of the highlights of The Maze Runner and makes me want to be his friend. Newt is just perfect. He’s a great leader, kind and wonderful. Although I did imagine him to be more strong country boy (think: Southern Zac Efron) and less like the adorable Thomas Brodie-Sangster, but we’ll see how it goes. And, of course, our lead Thomas is a dandy fellow too. He’s got a good heart and thick skull, so he may not be the most original hero but it doesn’t make him unlikable. I can’t wait to see him played by Dylan O’Brien, it seems like a perfect match.

Should I read it?
Definitely! You can buy it on Amazon or Thriftbooks.

Here’s the trailer and it’s perfect.

The Wolf of Wall Street: Book Review

The Wolf of Wall Street book cover

Book: The Wolf of Wall Street by Jordan Belfort

Publisher/Year: Bantam Books/2008

Genre: Autobiography, Crime, Comedy

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ – very good

Who’s in the movie?
LEO (You know who Leonardo DiCaprio is)
Jonah Hill (Superbad, 21 Jump Street)
Rob Reiner (Jess’ dad in New Girl, he also directed The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally and A Few Good Men)
Matthew McConaughey ( he says “alright, alright, alright…” he’s also in How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days and Dallas Buyers Club)
Kyle Chandler (Zero Dark Thirty and Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights)


When can I watch it?
When you buy the DVD.

What’s it about?
Scandal. There’s more crime, prostitutes and drugs than I ever thought there could be in a real person’s life. Jordan Belfort (Leo) was an infamous Wall Street stockbroker in the 1990s who literally was making thousands of dollars a minute in his financial prime. Was it legal? Absolutely not. He has more money than he knows what to do with and recklessly spends it on his wife, yachts, hotel rooms, cars and of course prostitutes and drugs.

What did you think?
It doesn’t sound like a funny story, but the way Belfort talks about his life is hilarious. Now that he’s done his time and reflected on his choices, he sees how absolutely insane his life was and you can see that in the way he writes. He’s very sarcastic and constantly making fun of his past self and past life. Even if Belfort’s writing didn’t have a mocking tone, some of the things that happened in his life are so utterly batshit crazy that you have to laugh at its absurdity. Little things like throwing midgets in Velcro suits at a Velcro target. Everything in his life is so over-the-top, from his fights with his wife to his to business lunches…it feels parodic. I sometimes forgot that it’s autobiographical and not a work of total fiction.

But no matter how much of a douche Belfort was, no one can deny that he was brilliant. He had the wit and the charm to talk his way and work his way out of almost any obstacle that he ran into. He constantly had two realities going on at once, he could be holding a conversation with someone or improvising a speech for his employees while in his head he would be planning his next big move or scheming to get out of jam (either with the law or his wife). I don’t understand how anyone can think that much all time; he always had an inner dialogue with himself no matter what he was doing. Not to mention that he knew and understood stocks and laws so well that he knew exactly what he needed to do to make the system work in his favor or what he had to do to get away with things that were not so legal.

Should I read it?
Yes, if you can handle all the debauchery in his life. It’s kind of graphic and extremely excessive. But if you can handle all that, then it’s a really good read. You can get a copy from Thriftbooks or Amazon. You can also get theMovie Tie-In Edition on Amazon if you like actors on books (*shivers in disgust*).

The Book Thief: Book Review

The Book Thief book cover

 Book: The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

 Publisher/Year: Alfred A. Knopf/2006

 Genre: Historical Fiction

 Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ – above average

Who’s going to be in the movie?
Geoffrey Rush (Captain Barbossa from Pirates of the CaribbeanThe King’s Speech)
Emily Watson (War HorseAnna Karenina)

 When can I watch it?
 Whenever you buy it or pick it up at your nearest Redbox.

 What’s it about?
Liesel is a foster child in 1939 Nazi Germany. Her and her foster parents (Rush and Watson) live in essential poverty just outside of Munich. Liesel is hesitant to open up to her foster parents when she first moves in and keeps her distance from them until her father, Hans, begins to teach Liesel how to read. Liesel lives for books (YES. We have common ground!). But since her family is dirt poor, she steals them. She gets her joy not only from reading and absorbing her books, but from stealing. In such a downtrodden and ominous time, Liesel finds her solace in stealing the things that she loves the most.

What did you think?
This is a weird one for me to review because I actually read the end several months after I read the first three-quarters of the book. I checked it out from the library, was unable to finish in my allotted time (because it’s long and I still had school and work), returned it and requested it again. But there was a really long wait list and when it was available for me to pick it up, I was home for break and unable to check it out of the library. So, I requested it again and waited for my turn one more time. By the time I was able to check it out again about four months had passed since I read it last. So, it was hard getting back into the story after such a long time between readings.

Regardless of all that I still think it was only okay. It’s really long and takes a really long time to get good. A majority of the book was really tedious reading. I liked the characters, Leisel and her best friend Rudy are actually awesome, but even so I was bored. If I like a book, there’s no way I would take longer than the amount of time the library allows me to check out a book. And there’s even less of a chance that I would wait months before reading the end of it. The fact that I did wait such a long time before finishing, without being phased, says a lot about The Book Thief.

But, the end of the book was so much better than the beginning (and middle). Even though it took me some time to get back into the story, once I did I read it much faster than the rest of the book. In the beginning it kind of drags on but once it gets good, it gets really good. I think that I would have liked it even more if I didn’t take such a long break from reading. Even though I did get back into the story, I still lost some of the connection I had with the characters and wasn’t as emotionally invested as I probably would’ve been if I read the book straight through.

Should I read it?
It’s really long and only gets good at the end — so it’s an investment. The reward won’t be worth the effort for everyone. But if you want to give it a go you can buy a copy from Thriftbooks or Amazon.

Gone Girl: Book Review

Gone Girl book

Book: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Publisher/Year: Crown Publishing Group/2012

Genre: Thriller

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ¾

Who’s going to be in the movie?
BEN AFFLECK<3 (Good Will Hunting, The Town, ArgoPearl Harbor, 1000s of other great movies)
Rosamund Pike (Jack Reacher)
Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother)
Tyler Perry (all of the characters in Madea?)

When can I watch it?
Mean Girls Day. (October 3rd)

What’s it about?
PLOT TWISTS.

Here’s an actual summary…

On Nick (Affleck<3) and Amy (Pike) Dunne’s fifth wedding anniversary Amy goes missing. Dun dun DUNNE! (Get it? Because their last name is Dunne?! Just kidding, it’s stupid.) The book goes back and forth between present day Nick (under pressure from the media and police trying to find out what happened to his wife) and Amy’s diary starting from when she first met Nick. Even though Nick and Amy’s marriage was floundering and Nick seems to be hiding something, no one knows if Nick is really capable of murder. That’s really all I can say without giving anything away.

What did you think?
I LOVE PLOT TWISTS. Crime/mystery/thrillers are so much fun to read. Gone Girl really keeps you on your toes and has surprises at every turn of a page (not literally, that would be overwhelming).

It’s going to be hard to talk about this without any spoilers but I will do what I can. I really liked reading back and forth between the past and the present. It’s interesting to see how Nick and Amy started in comparison to where they are now, I just had to keep reading until the two stories met up with each other.

One of the best parts of the book is that it is so well thought out. There is so much detail and careful planning that went into this, it amazes me. You really just need to read it so we can have a full on discussion about it. IT’S SO INTRICATE.

The only gripe I have with this book is the ending SUCKS, it’s the only thing keeping the book from a 5 ♥ rating. IT’S SO BAD. But it’s not just me, everyone hated the ending. Everyone hated the ending so much thatGillian Flynn wrote a different ending for the movie. Depending on how these changes pan out, the movie has potential to actually be better than the book, which almost never happens. The movie also has the advantage of having 6’4″ of Bostonian magic in the form of Ben Affleck.

Here’s the trailer.  It doesn’t give any of the epic plot twists away and Ben Affleck looks like he plays the part perfectly (obviously). Take a look for yourself and just try to contain yourself until October 3rd.

Should I read it?
YES! It’s so exciting and you’ll finish in no time because you won’t be able to put it down.