Disney Couples: A Definitive Ranking

Some true loves are greater than other true loves.

20. Snow White & The Prince

snow white and the prince
I do not care if they are the first Disney couple or if this was the first full length animated film, Snow White and The Prince are as boring as they are ugly. The Prince is such a boring love interest that he literally doesn’t even have name. The four seconds of screen time they have together consists of them talking at a well, The Prince kissing her corpse, Snow White waking and then they are in love, apparently. Their love story can best described in one word: snoozefest.

19. Cinderella & Prince Charming

cinderella and prince charming
I don’t understand why they are the power couple of the Disney world. Cinderella is blonde and basic. Prince Charming has no personality or smarts. He literally couldn’t recognize his true love‘s face, he hoped that only one girl in the kingdom had that size shoe. Great.

18. Princess Aurora & Prince Philip

princess aurora and prince phillip
We’re getting warmer. They at least met once upon a dream and have some basis of a relationship. He still kisses a corpse, but at least he knows her a little better first?

17. Ariel & Prince Eric

ariel and prince eric
SHE LEAVES HER FAMILY FOR A MAN SHE HAS NEVER SPOKEN TO. Sure, they’re cute and who doesn’t love “Kiss The Girl?” But the foundation of their love is based on the fact that she thinks he’s a babe and has a dog.  Which tbh are important things in a relationship, but there needs to be more.

16. Lady & Tramp

lady and tramp spaghetti kiss
They are responsible for the most iconic Disney kiss of all time. But without The Spaghetti Kiss, they are nothing.

15. Robin Hood & Maid Marian

robin hood and maid marian
Sure it starts as a love from afar and Robin doesn’t know much about Maid Marian at first, but when they meet they are both smitten for each other. Good guy Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives to poor, Maid Marian is sweet and innocent…overall they are pretty cute together.

14. Bob & Helen Parr (Mr. Incredible & Elastigirl)

Bob and Helen Parr Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl
They are a ~super~ couple. ツ

13. Tiana & Prince Naveen

tiana and prince naveen
He starts off as a prick. But Tiana’s fierce and sassy self turns him around to become a decent guy worthy of marriage, so they’re pretty cool. But not great.

12. Pocahontas & John Smith

Pocahontas and John Smith meeting
INTERACIAL COUPLE YAaaAAaSsS! They broke that color barrier like a plate at a Greek wedding. Pocahontas and John are both willing to sacrifice their lives and fight their own families/friends to be with each other. While their love seems to be strong and true…they don’t even end up together. BOOO

11. Tarzan & Jane Porter

tarzan and jane porter
If this was a ranking of the thirstiest Disney couples, they would easily be in the number one spot. They are obviously great together and as precious as a teacup pig, but you have to consider the fact Jane is literally the only human lady that Tarzan has any recollection of. Not that Jane isn’t great, but she’s his only option.

10. Hercules & Megara

Hercules and Megara
Zero to Hero Herc falls for the wily ways of Meg upon first meeting. Even though she starts as temptress and trap from the Underworld God/comedian Hades, eventually she (won’t admit) she falls in love with the heart beneath Hercules’s rippling pectorals. Hercules gave up eternity as a Greek god so that he could be with Meg. No pressure to stay together forever or anything.

9. Pacha & Chicha

Pacha and Chicha
First thing’s first, they the realest. Pacha and Chicha are the only couple here who were together since before the movie started. Even though we don’t get to watch them fall in love, we get to see them as a family and see where their love has taken them. They have the marriage we dream all the other Disney couples will have.

8. Fa Mulan & Li Shang

Mulan and Shang
Shang definitely bagged the baddest lady love interest. They literally saved China together. If they can defeat the Huns, they can defeat whatever relationship problems the future holds.

[Author’s note: it is officially becoming painstakingly difficult to rank the couples]

7. Simba & Nala

Simba and Nala
Who doesn’t love a good ol’ childhood friends turned couple story? NO ONE. It’s a great story: best friends since forever, separated for years by an evil scheme only to be reunited and save Pride Rock. All hail the king and queen of the jungle. *bows down*

6. Belle & Adam (Beast)

Belle and Beast
Anyone thinking “stockholm syndrome” can kindly close this page. Those who do not understand the magic of this love is not welcome. She falls in love with him despite his beastly appearance. He gives her a library. TRUE LOVE.

5. Nani & David

Nani and David and Lilo on beach
They are by far the most underrated couple of the Disneyverse. Can we take a minute to appreciate how great David is? He is absolutely smitten with Nani and would do anything for her. Even though Nani tells him point blank that she doesn’t have the time or energy to put into a relationship, David is not discouraged. He is always there for Nani, even as just a friend, and understands that Lilo is the most important thing in her life. He does everything he can for Nani and Lilo without expecting anything in return. He is loyal, patient and gives Nani the time and space she needs until she is ready for a relationship. Hawaiin hearthrob alert.

[Author’s note: this is the point where I start to physically feel the anxiety]

4. Anna & Kristoff

Kristoff lifting Anna Frozen
Anna and Kristoff are absolutely perfect together despite the clunky way he walks, the grumpy way he talks and the pear-shaped, square-shaped weirdness of his feet. If they don’t have a song together even more wonderful and adorable than “Love Is An Open Door” in the Frozen sequel then I will cry frozen tears of eternal sadness.

3. Rapunzel & Eugene Fitzherbert (Flynn Rider)

Flynn and Rapunzel with cupcakes in doorway
The lost princess. The reformed thief. A new dream. Cupcakes. It’s hard to imagine anything can be better than their love story. They challenge each other, they save each other and they teach each other on their journey in falling in love with each other. Excuse me while I sit in a corner and cry about my expectations for true love that will never be met.

2. Carl & Ellie

Carl and Ellie
*tries not to cry* The beginning of Up has more emotion, love and heartbreak in 2 minutes and 51 seconds than should be legal. Carl and Ellie grow old together the way every couple dreams about. They face tough times but they make it through together, believing that their adventure is out there. *cries a lot*

1. Aladdin & Princess Jasmine

Aladdin and Jasmine balcony
The greatest love story ever told. Aladdin doesn’t fall in love with a princess, he falls in love with the beautiful, smart, funny and independent girl he met at the marketplace. Jasmine doesn’t fall in love with Prince Ali, she falls in the love with the charming, daring, thoughtful and endearing street rat with a heart of gold who saved her in the marketplace.  Their love is pure, eternal and the greatest of them all.

 

Who do you think is the greatest Disney couple?
Comment below!

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Top 7 Disney Villain Songs

Disney villains may be vain and cruel, but they have some of the best songs in their movies.  Here are the best of the best.*

7. “Scrooge” from The Muppet Christmas Carol


Scrooge is so grim and mean he can’t even be bothered to sing his own song.  He’s the only villain on the list who is so villainous that he gets everyone else to sing about him.  Now that’s a villain.

6. “Oogie Boogie’s Song” from The Nightmare Before Christmas


Oogie Boogie is definitely the creepiest villain here and this song proves it.  Also Tim Burton is beyond twisted and it’s great.

5. “Savages” from Pocahontas


This song wins the award for Most Tension and Intensity.  It also wins Best Message.  This shows us what racism and prejudice lead to and what happens when you walk down the path of hatred.  We choose the path of love♥

4. “Mother Knows Best” from Tangled


Mother Gothel warns us about everything that could possibly go wrong anytime we want to go outside.  Congratulations, Mother Gothel, I’m now a homebody.  I’m not going to risk running into ruffians or thugs, or worse…the plague!

3. “Poor Unfortunate Souls” from The Little Mermaid


This song is so enticing; it gently lures you in and then completely entrances you as the song builds just as Ursula intends.  It’s no wonder Ariel signed the scroll.  The Jonas Brothers even have an awesome cover of this song.

2. “Be Prepared” from The Lion King


Because obviously.

1. “Gaston” from Beauty and the Beast


No one’s slick as Gaston, no one’s quick as Gaston, no one’s neck’s as incredibly thick as Gaston’s.  But most importantly, he uses antlers in all of his decorating. I could keep writing out the lyrics to explain why this is the best villainous Disney song or you can just watch the video.

*Honorable mention to I Put A Spell On YouLet’s Talk About MeLes Poissons, Marley and Marley, and The Mob Song.

Criminal Complex

I love criminals.

Not murders or rapists or anything violent like that.  I’m not crazy.

I love thieves and con artists.  Not the boring businessmen who steal from their own companies or cheat on their taxes or whatever it is they do on Wall Street– but real criminals who rob banks, take from the wealthy, and make money through deception and good looks.

As a student who has completed three psych classes psychology expert, I have diagnosed myself with something I completely made up developed over years of research called The Criminal Complex.  Throughout my life I have grown fond of and cultivated an attraction to thieves and con men.  I traced the roots of my abnormal mental state all the way back to infancy.  With a fair amount of confidence, I can say that my Criminal Complex originates from Disney’s Aladdin.

I have only lived in a world without Aladdin for the first six months of my life; so as long as I can remember there has always been Aladdin.  I don’t know a world without the street rat with a heart of gold, the thief with a kind soul, the diamond in the rough.  I probably watched Aladdin about eight billion times as a child; it shaped my life in many ways and I still have a very real cartoon crush on Aladdin to this very day.

My problems began exactly here:

YES, I TRUST YOU

YES

Jasmine trusted Aladdin and they ended up riding off into the night on a magic carpet and lived happily ever after.  I make almost all of my decisions and spend most of time trying to embody Princess Jasmine.  Therefore, I need to fall in love with and marry a common criminal (with a heart of gold).  LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME, DISNEY.

My problems continued in 1997 with the release of Anastasia and the introduction of the lovable and handsome con artist, Dimitri.
Dimitri

Sure, Dimitri starts off on a bad foot…he lies to Anastasia and tries to use her to get the reward money from a sweet old woman looking for her long-lost granddaughter…but he’s a con artist, it’s what he does! But he becomes a better person after falling for the adorable “Anya” and doesn’t even take the reward money in the end.  TRUE LOVE TURNS CRIMINALS INTO HONEST AND MORALLY JUST PEOPLE.  That’s what my childhood taught me.

It wasn’t until 2010 when I finally realized there was a pattern in my animated loves.  Eugene Fitzherbert, better known as Flynn Rider, of Tangled was the third victim in my serial obsessing.
Flynn Rider

The man with the smolder stole my heart like he stole the crown from the royal family.  In addition to his thievery skills, Eugene has dashing good looks and all the best lines in the movie.  *cue swooning*  So what if he stole a crown from the kingdom, double crossed his own partners in crime, and tried to weasel out of his deal with Rapunzel…HE SACRIFICED HIS LIFE FOR HIS DREAM AND ONE TRUE LOVE.  Once again movies have taught me that true love will change a troubled soul into a pure one.

There are a multitude of live-action movies that also influenced my love of thieves and con artists (Ocean’s 11, The Town, Catch Me If You Can) but the foundation was set by the animated movies of my childhood.  If there’s one thing these movies taught me it’s that really attractive criminal heartthrobs will change their ways if they fall in love with you.

The moral of the story is: I love criminals.  Or maybe it’s just guys with really great hair…
Both is good

stay gold & pay for my therapy,
Briana