Dramatic Things I’ve Said Part 3

In case you missed Dramatic Things I’ve Said Part 1 and Part 2…here are more words that have spewed from my mouth.

“If there are only two things I love it’s stormtroopers and swag.”

“There’s nothing grosser than Justin Bieber’s mustache.”

“Tonight I’m going to see the 5 greatest people on this Earth.” (on attending a One Direction concert)

“When I don’t have a book to read it’s like my life has no meaning.”

“I’m pretty sure if I walked home from here I would get home first.” (in traffic, 34 miles from home)

“I might as well have been shot.” (on not having enough storage to take a Snapchat video)

“This is what the Jews must have felt like when Moses led them through the desert.” (walking from the end of a parking lot to the store)

“It enrages me when my burger doesn’t come with french fries. It just- I can’t- my inside is just- flames. There are flames in my core.”

“What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and smashed potatoes?”
Smashed potatoes have skin in it.
“Oh, so you mean ruined potatoes?”

“I would kill anyone who put a pickle spear on my plate. I would kill them with the spear from the pickle.”

“The most bangin thing Jesus did was turn water into wine.”

“Anyone who eats Kit Kats without breaking off each piece deserves to perish.”

“If you talk while Taylor Swift says ‘this sick beat,’ you are dead to me.”

“This song [Cruise] is the absolute bane of my existence.”

“If I see #RE2PECT one more time I’m going to throw up on everyone.”

“The day Leo wins an Oscar will be the best day of my life.”

“Honestly, I can’t think of anything worse than special reports that interrupt regularly scheduled programs.”

“I could write a Shakespearean tragedy about my lack of empanadas.”

“Everyone is better than Miley Cyrus.”

“My phone is at 3%. This is the worst fate.”

“I’ve had to pee like 17 times today and I didn’t even drink that much so I’m probably dying.”

“If I could eliminate anything in this world it would be country music.”

“I hate doors than aren’t automatic, what am I? A peasant?”

“Now I’m Facebook messaging on my phone from Safari like a homeless person.”

“There is nothing worse than when reality competition shows don’t go your way.”

“If Internet Explorer was a building I would burn it to the ground.”

“I hope he gets into a fight with someone he loves today.” (road rage)

“One good dead? ONE good deed?! I would rather be a dog than watch 99 more episodes of this.” (throwback to 7-year-old me watching 100 Good Deeds for Eddie McDowd)

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Dramatic Things I’ve Said Part 2

A couple months ago I posted Dramatic Things I’ve Said, but I’ve continued to speak in hyperbole over the last 6 months.

Here are some more words that have actually come out of my mouth:

“But then the poster’s not centered and I would rather kill myself.”

“There’s nothing better than a really great snapchat.”

“I would saw off my own foot and eat it to have a chance to be in the clubhouse champagne celebration [after the Red Sox won the World Series]”

“Pants only purpose is to disrupt my happiness.”

“Potato skins in my mashed potatoes would literally ruin my Thanksgiving.”

“Is it going to rain? Because that would probably ruin my life.”

“I would choose death over crunchy peanut butter.”

“Oatmeal raisin cookies are the bane of my existence.”

“Short girls who date tall guys are worse than oatmeal raisin cookies.”

“I would sooner hang myself than write a 20 page paper.”

“Any parent who names their kid Golden should be shot execution style.”

“I would rather be shot in the face by Kim Kardashian than drink PBR.”

“Black ginger babies are the antichrist.”

“If Chris and Liam Hemsworth both peered into your eyes at the same time, you would be cleansed of all your sins and ailments.”

“Of all the things in the world, the Wonderball is my favorite.”

“‘But your booty don’t need explainin’ is the greatest lyric of all time. I’m going to get it tattooed on my face.”

“Not having emojis is a fate worse than death.”

“I’m so hungry that if you put red paint on cardboard, shredded yellow play-doh over and called it pizza I would eat it.”

“If I saw Lebron James in real life I would karate chop him in the throat.”

Dramatic Things I’ve Said

I have a tendency to be a bit dramatic.  I often exaggerate and have frequent physical reactions to things many think are inconsequential.  But in the words of Cameron Tucker: “I can’t turn it off, it’s who I am!”  My friend had me start keeping note of the dramatic things I say in everyday life.  It turns out that it happens a lot.

Here are some actual things that I’ve said in real life:

“When I lose a sneeze I feel like an Indian who just had his picture taken; like I lost a piece of my soul.”

“I’m so hungry I think I’ll die in the night”

“When I accidentally sing a song I don’t like it makes me want to hurl my body off the highest peak of a mountain.”

“Country music eats away at my soul.”

“When I saw the Taylor Swift goat video it changed my life for the better.”

“This is how my body reacts when my dreams come true.” (after flailing around Wal-Mart because of nail polish)

“I can climb the track like a ladder and walk faster than this ride.” (on The Cyclone, top speed 55 mph)

“If Ellen gave me tickets to meet One Direction I would become a heap on the floor and have to mop up my own tears with my body.”

“A piece of me dies every day I don’t go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.”

“I would rather chew off my own foot and eat it than buy a book with the movie poster as the cover.”

“If Miley Cyrus wins best female music video I will drown myself in the tears of Billy Ray Cyrus.”

“This breeze is Jesus telling us He cares.”

“It was like I found a piece of my heart that I didn’t know was missing.” (on seeing live boyband dancing)

“Well, I saw the Backstreet Boys last weekend so we’re gonna have to accept that rest of the weekends in my life will be living in that shadow.”