A Definitive Ranking Of One Direction’s Music Videos

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

9. “Gotta Be You”

I need to start off with a disclaimer: all of these videos are great. Just because this one is bringing up the rear doesn’t negate it’s greatness, there’s just some really stiff competition.  All the boys look adorable and oh so charming dressed up in their winter wardrobe (that I wouldn’t mind sharing with them), but that’s really the best thing the “Gotta Be You” video has to offer.

8. “What Makes You Beautiful”

Disclaimer #2: this is not a ranking of songs, otherwise this would obviously be much higher on the list, it’s all about the video.  This video makes you want to drive around and hang out at the beach with your five best foreign friends with the most FHP (future hot potential).

7. “Story of My Life”

This video hits you right in your feels. Who doesn’t love recreations of family photos? No one. Because they’re great.  This video is filled with recreations of family photos.  Therefore, this video is great.  Transitive property.  Boom, math.

6. “One Thing”

What’s not to love about the boys running amok around London?  It’s so wonderful that you really have to watch it at least five times (one time focus on each guy, obviously) to make sure you catch each and every moment of greatness.

5. “Best Song Ever”

Cinematic classic.   It has the most “boyband dancing” we’ll likely ever see from One Direction (because they’re pretty bad dancers in the most amazing kind of way). But the best part of video can be summed up in one word: Marcel.

4. “Little Things”

Black and white. Liam and Niall playing guitar.  No girls, so it’s like the boys are singing just to you. I. Can’t. Handle. It.

3. “Live While We’re Young”

ALERT: WE HAVE REACHED FHP.  This is arguably the most attractive the boys have looked as a whole.  And has anyone ever done more fun doing anything than the people in this music video? No, because this is most fun anyone has ever had in the history of the universe.  Also the combination of Zayn, Harry before all his stupid tattoos, Zayn, big balls, this dance, and Zayn is killer.

2. “One Way Or Another (Teenage Kicks)”

Because of when Niall frolicked like this niall

when Zayn seduced you with his eyebrows like thisZayn

when Louis hip thrusted like thislouis hip thrust

when Liam lead a conga line like this lialm

and when Harry was the cutest thing since Marcel. Harry
And it was for charity.  Because Niall, Zayn, Louis, Liam and Harry are great humans.

1. “Kiss You”

SO TELL ME GIRL IF EVERY TIME WE TO-O-UCH YOU GET THIS KIND OF RU-U-USH — oh, sorry did you say something? I can’t hear you over the sound of watching this perfect music video 7,348,234 times.

If You Could Have Dinner With Any 7 Celebrities, Who Would You Pick?

dinner1 I came across this question years ago on Tumblr and still have yet to decide who my 7 celebrity guests would be.  The deadly combination of loving 8 million celebrities and being absurdly indecisive makes it nearly impossible to narrow it down to a mere 7 celebs.  So, I have several tables that I want to sit at and refuse to pick one or rank them in any order.  Here are some of my celebrity tables:

The Smith Family Table I am obsessed with the Smiths. They are the coolest family probably ever and I want to be a part of it.  We would all hang out at our mansion, I would braid Willow’s hair, we’d watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and have rap battles (go to 7:12 for the epicness).  Are you listening Will and Jada? I’m ready to be adopted.

  1. Will Smith – HE IS TOO COOL.
  2. Jada Pinkett Smith – She married the coolest guy around.  That automatically gives her ten thousand swag points.
  3. Willow Smith – Is it bad that one of my role models is 12-years-old? (Don’t answer that.)
  4. Trey Smith – The Smith child no one knows about. I KNOW ABOUT YOU, TREY. He also represents my second chance of joining the Smith family.  If Will and Jada foolishly decide to not adopt me, I’ll have to marry into the family and Trey is the age-appropriate Smith son.  Are you listening, Trey? I’M READY FOR MARRIAGE. (Don’t I sound like a real catch?)
  5. Jaden Smith – Okay, so After Earth wasn’t great.  But the Pursuit of Happyness was, and every time I listen to “Never Say Never” I rewind and listen to his rap again and again.
  6. Usher – The swag at this table is about to breach capacity. He oozes coolness and makes awesome music.  Not to mention he was a huge upgrade from Cee Lo Green as a coach on The Voice. (Are The Voice producers reading this? WE WANT USHER AND SHAKIRA BACK!)  He seems a bit random to be seated at this table, but he makes more sense when you see who #7 is…
  7. Justin Bieber – JBiebz and Jaden are BFFLs.  Justin hangs out at the Smith mansion all the time, so he fits in seamlessly at this table and I love him (hopefully at this family dinner we can address his life and help him get back on track).

The SNL Table Who wouldn’t want to eat with these people who are paid to be funny?

  1. Jimmy Fallon – He is hilarious, he has a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor and he loves games.  Not to mention his dancing.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Jimmy Fallon should always be dancing.  Whether he is impersonating Justin Bieber or just doing his own thing, his dancing is definitive proof that love and happiness exist.
  2. Tina Fey – She’s the funniest woman ever. The end.
  3. Amy Poehler – It’s not even an option to separate Amy from Tina, they are a match made in Heaven.
  4. Kristen Wiig – She gives Tina Fey a run for her money for funniest woman.  Who didn’t love Bridesmaids? NO ONE.
  5. Seth Meyers – The Weekend Update is always hilarious and he’s a Red Sox fan. What else could you ask for?
  6. Andy Samberg – His Digital Shorts and The Lonely Island are two of the greatest things to happen in my life.
  7. Justin Timberlake – While not a cast member, he is ALWAYS great when he’s on and also he’s JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. He can sit anywhere he wants.  I have placed myself between him and Jimmy so I can be right in the middle of the most adorable and perfect friendship of all time.

The One Direction Table You knew this was coming.  There’s only 5 guests necessary here.

  1. Liam Payne – Flawless human,
  2. Niall Horan – Flawless human.
  3. Zayn Malik  – Flawless human.
  4. Louis Tomlinson – Flawless human.
  5. Harry Styles – Flawless human.

The Avengers Table Because superheroes.  Sorry, ScarJo, but if I invited you to this dinner my female competition goes from zero to infinity.

  1. Chris Hemsworth – It’s inappropriate how many times I’ve Google Image searched “Chris Hemsworth and baby.”  Not to mention he plays the namesake of my future firstborn child.
  2. Tom Hiddleston – He is so silly and too adorable with children. And British. That’s important.
  3. Joss Whedon – He was a writer for The  Avengers and Toy Story, two of the best movies ever.  And his screenplays are amazing and hilarious.
  4. Robert Downey, Jr. – Because obviously.
  5. Jeremy Renner – I would demand kindly request that he speak in his Boston accent from The Town throughout the entire dinner.
  6. Mark Ruffalo – Remember that time he danced to “Thriller” with Jennifer Garner?
  7. Chris Evans – He has played TWO superheroes and he’s from Boston.  Also arms.

The Random Awesomeness Table Pretty much the coolest people who always seem down for anything.

  1. Matt Damon – Good Will Hunting, the Bourne trilogy, Ocean’s Eleven, The Departed…am I naming Matt Damon movies or my favorite movies? The better question is: what’s the difference?  Did I mention that he’s from Boston and loves the Red Sox and he’s pretty much perfect all around?  Well, he is.
  2. Ben Affleck – Matt Damon’s BFFL, another Bostonian and Sox fan, he stars in, writes and directs great movies and unlike the rest of the internet, I don’t hate that he’s going to be Batman.
  3. Hugh Jackman – Have you even seen his 2009 Oscars opening number? IT’S THE GREATEST 7 MINUTES AND 46 SECONDS ON THE INTERNET.
  4. Joseph Gordon-Levitt – He was in a baseball movie, a heist movie, a superhero movie and a Disney movie.  That’s pretty much everything I love.  He also had one of the best opening monologues on SNL.
  5. Anna Kendrick – We have so much in common and would get along so well.  Buzzfeed already pretty much summed up why she would be the most amazing best friend.
  6. Ellen DeGeneres – Does anyone NOT love her? No, because that’s scientifically impossible.  If you don’t love Ellen you have no soul and we can’t be friends.
  7. Heidi Klum – Perfection in human form.

Wait…where’s Jennifer Lawrence? Emma Watson? Jackie Robinson? Jennifer Aniston?  Don’t fret, my friends.  I have not forgotten them, they are seated at my Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Baseball and Friends tables. You can imagine what those tables look like. So, who’s at your table?

Criminal Complex

I love criminals.

Not murders or rapists or anything violent like that.  I’m not crazy.

I love thieves and con artists.  Not the boring businessmen who steal from their own companies or cheat on their taxes or whatever it is they do on Wall Street– but real criminals who rob banks, take from the wealthy, and make money through deception and good looks.

As a student who has completed three psych classes psychology expert, I have diagnosed myself with something I completely made up developed over years of research called The Criminal Complex.  Throughout my life I have grown fond of and cultivated an attraction to thieves and con men.  I traced the roots of my abnormal mental state all the way back to infancy.  With a fair amount of confidence, I can say that my Criminal Complex originates from Disney’s Aladdin.

I have only lived in a world without Aladdin for the first six months of my life; so as long as I can remember there has always been Aladdin.  I don’t know a world without the street rat with a heart of gold, the thief with a kind soul, the diamond in the rough.  I probably watched Aladdin about eight billion times as a child; it shaped my life in many ways and I still have a very real cartoon crush on Aladdin to this very day.

My problems began exactly here:

YES, I TRUST YOU

YES

Jasmine trusted Aladdin and they ended up riding off into the night on a magic carpet and lived happily ever after.  I make almost all of my decisions and spend most of time trying to embody Princess Jasmine.  Therefore, I need to fall in love with and marry a common criminal (with a heart of gold).  LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME, DISNEY.

My problems continued in 1997 with the release of Anastasia and the introduction of the lovable and handsome con artist, Dimitri.
Dimitri

Sure, Dimitri starts off on a bad foot…he lies to Anastasia and tries to use her to get the reward money from a sweet old woman looking for her long-lost granddaughter…but he’s a con artist, it’s what he does! But he becomes a better person after falling for the adorable “Anya” and doesn’t even take the reward money in the end.  TRUE LOVE TURNS CRIMINALS INTO HONEST AND MORALLY JUST PEOPLE.  That’s what my childhood taught me.

It wasn’t until 2010 when I finally realized there was a pattern in my animated loves.  Eugene Fitzherbert, better known as Flynn Rider, of Tangled was the third victim in my serial obsessing.
Flynn Rider

The man with the smolder stole my heart like he stole the crown from the royal family.  In addition to his thievery skills, Eugene has dashing good looks and all the best lines in the movie.  *cue swooning*  So what if he stole a crown from the kingdom, double crossed his own partners in crime, and tried to weasel out of his deal with Rapunzel…HE SACRIFICED HIS LIFE FOR HIS DREAM AND ONE TRUE LOVE.  Once again movies have taught me that true love will change a troubled soul into a pure one.

There are a multitude of live-action movies that also influenced my love of thieves and con artists (Ocean’s 11, The Town, Catch Me If You Can) but the foundation was set by the animated movies of my childhood.  If there’s one thing these movies taught me it’s that really attractive criminal heartthrobs will change their ways if they fall in love with you.

The moral of the story is: I love criminals.  Or maybe it’s just guys with really great hair…
Both is good

stay gold & pay for my therapy,
Briana

MixFest

Am I original? Am I the only one? Am I sexual? Am I everything you need?

These are life’s burning questions, all were answered last Saturday and all answers are “yeaahh.”

Last Saturday my friends and I went to MixFest, which is a FREE concert held by Mix 104.1!  They’ve had some pretty great acts in the past (Sara Bareilles, Maroon 5, Lifehouse, Train…) and this year Gavin DeGraw, THE BACKSTREET BOYS and Of Monsters and Men performed.  I’m not even going to pretend that I’m going to talk about Gavin DeGraw or Of Monsters and Men.  They were both great and have good music and all that jazz but there are few things in life I love more than synchronized boy band dancing.

We got to the Hatch Shell right when the gates opened because NOTHING WAS GOING TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM NICK CARTER.  So we sat on our blankets, played Heads Up and Harry Potter Uno, and ate free samples for the three hours leading up to the opening act.   It was a great time before anyone even played music.  The first act was a Mix104.1 15 Seconds of Fame contest winner who sounded exactly like Jason Mraz.  After he did his bit, Gavin came out and was wicked sassy and adorable. But really the whole time I was inwardly (and often outwardly) having a panic attack because I knew what was coming next.

The time between Gavin and The Backstreet Boys felt like an eternity.  I was feeling anxious, excited, nostalgic, nervous…it’s not easy being a fangirl.  But then I heard “BACKSTREET’S BACK ALRIGHT” and felt nothing but pure, unadulterated bliss.  Brian, AJ, Howie, Kevin and NICK all came out on stage and I was looking at The Backstreet Boys in real life.

The Backstreet Boys

They asked life’s burning questions and I answered them all; they are in fact original, the only one, sexual and everything I need.  Then they started dancing in the way that only boy bands do and I was calm, cool and collected.  Unfortunately, they only sang five songs and two of them were from their new album (so no one knew them) but it was still no less amazing than I had dreamed.  They closed with I Want It That Way and Nick Carter ended with the most epic hip thrust of all hip thrusts.  A hip thrust that rivals even Louis Tomlinson’s. A hip thrust that put all other hip thrusts to shame.  Then I died and missed the rest of MixFest.

stay gold & love The Backstreet Boys,
Briana