“Can I buy you a drink?” “No.”
1. Buy her a book
Alternatively you can give her a library.
3. Follow her home and deliver her a pizza
If you see a girl you like, follow her until she goes home. Once you know where she lives, go to the nearest pizza place and buy one large pizza. You might be a stalker, but you have pizza.
5. Pretend your a secret agent and you need her help
If she’s alone hurriedly sit at her table, maybe jump in her car/taxi, or just start walking with her and hold her hand. Explain to her you’re being followed by very dangerous people and she needs to act natural. Bonus points if you have a motorcycle and bag presumably filled with money or the secret formula for saving the human race. She might freak out and/or punch you in the face for being so invasive OR it might be totally awesome.
6. Ask her if she wants to go out for some caramels
Preface by telling your friends: “I gotta go see about a girl.” Caramels are just as arbitrary as coffee and if she doesn’t get the reference it’s not your fault.
If you got all 3 references, A+. If you still don’t know what I’m talking about, stop reading now and take 2 hours and 6 minutes out of your day to watch one of the best movies ever made.
*No, it’s not. But it might as well be.
11. Call her name, hand her a rose and ask if she will accept it
If she accepts, go on an extremely extravagant first date (e.g. helicopter ride over the city, go to a recording studio to be serenaded by Seal, ride a gondola in Venice) and share way more about your life story than you would in any normal first date circumstance.