Bucket List

In no particular, here are some things that I need to do before I kick the bucket (which will be never because I’m banking immortality).  Food for thought: anyone who makes any of the following happen wins my eternal love, which is as warm and wonderful as sunshine and unicorns.

Swim With Dolphins
swimming with dolphins - Briana
This one is in particular order.  Swimming with dolphins is the most important thing on this list, by far.  I LOVE DOLPHINS. THEY’RE BEAUTIFUL AND MAJESTIC CREATURES.  But if when I swim with dolphins it will probably be the last thing I do because it’s more than likely that I quit being human, forgot all my worldly responsibilities and join their pod.

See Broadway’s The Lion King
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I got to check this off my bucket list a few years when my grandma gave me the best gift I’ve ever received in the form of tickets to see The Lion King.  The Lion King is my favorite movie of all time and I’ve loved it since the first time I saw it and thought Mufasa was sleeping.  When I went to the Sunday matinée of The Lion King, surrounded by small children, shamelessly crying in the lobby, and finally sitting on the aisle as the animals marched down during “The Circle of Life,” it was a dream coming to life and one of my best memories.

Be One Less Lonely Girl
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I get it, everyone hates the Biebz and I am super lame for loving him.  Whatever.  The heart wants what it wants and I can’t help it.  At all of his concerts, JBiebz gives flowers to and serenades one lucky fan during “One Less Lonely Girl.”  Yes, I know Justin has been going in a downward spiral the last several months, but I’m pulling for him to make a comeback.  Even with his mishaps and regrettable actions of late, I still love his music (with the except of his recent “Music Monday” releases) and want to go to a concert.  Here’s hoping they’re not still picking tweens and I’m not middle-aged by the time that happens *fingers crossed*

Rap “Ice Ice Baby” In It’s Entirety
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lol, I can’t explain this.  Just accept it and move on.

Break A Record
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I got to check this off my bucket list at Six Flags Great Adventure.  My friends and I went to Six Flags on a less-than-ideal-weather day which worked greatly in our favor.  No one showed up and we waited in almost no lines.  Everything was going splendidly until it started to thunder…  The Dark Knight Coaster was the only thing open since it was an indoor roller coaster.  We went in, befriended the ride attendants and rode the coaster 27 times without getting off.  It was the most anyone had gone on that ride in a row.  That’s what I call a rainy day victory (future band name?).

Get Slimed
slime - Briana
OBVIOUSLY. This shouldn’t need an explanation.  I grew up on ’90s Nickelodeon, I’ve been fantasized about being covered in slime since approximately forever.

Visit Every MLB Park
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It’s no secret that I love baseball.  I care more about the Red Sox than some people I know (don’t worry, it’s not you), but I also love baseball in general.  It’s the greatest sport and anyone who says otherwise is wrong.  I would love nothing more than spending a summer on a road trip across America (and Canada) watching a game in all 30 of the MLB ballparks.  I’ve got three down (Fenway, Dodger Stadium and AT&T Park) but there’s still 27 to go…so who needs plans for this summer??

Watch  A Game From The Green Monster
Green Monster
I HAVE ACTUALLY DONE THIS.  Okay, so I didn’t technically have tickets, or sit there or watch the whole game…but I got watch five glorious innings of baseball from the most iconic and recognizable part of Fenway.  Even though I still want to get tickets on the Monster and see a whole game from an actual seat…this still gets to be crossed off the list.

Be A Part Of A Heist
Oceans-Eleven - Briana
I’ve already talked about how much I criminals.  I figure the best way to find one, is to become one.  I need a solid group of people who know what they’re doing and have my back.  Once we we have that, NO ONE ELSE CAN JOIN. You NEVER trust the last guy to join a heist, he is up to no good.  Everyone will wear perfectly fitted leisure suits, everything will go according to plan until the tech guy needs five more minutes to unlock the door/shut down the cameras/turn off the laser sensors/deactivate the alarms/whatever tech guys do but WE DON’T HAVE FIVE MINUTES! So we get creative, improvise, and overcome the obstacles in our way to pull off a perfectly orchestrated heist.  I see no flaws in my plan.

Be On Survivor
survivor - Briana
Maybe I don’t have the physical, mental or emotional strength to successfully make it through the show…yet.  But to that I have two responses: 1. YET. I don’t have to go on Survivor tomorrow.  There’s still time for me to become better equipped for the show.  This stage in my life is all about gaining experiences to help me grow as a person, right? (I’m gonna need a real answer here, I know nothing about life.) 2. People more useless than me have won in the past.  Amber won because she was really pretty and Boston Rob took her to the end.  With my current skill set and life experience (none and none), I’m totally capable of coat tailing to the end.

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Dramatic Things I’ve Said

I have a tendency to be a bit dramatic.  I often exaggerate and have frequent physical reactions to things many think are inconsequential.  But in the words of Cameron Tucker: “I can’t turn it off, it’s who I am!”  My friend had me start keeping note of the dramatic things I say in everyday life.  It turns out that it happens a lot.

Here are some actual things that I’ve said in real life:

“When I lose a sneeze I feel like an Indian who just had his picture taken; like I lost a piece of my soul.”

“I’m so hungry I think I’ll die in the night”

“When I accidentally sing a song I don’t like it makes me want to hurl my body off the highest peak of a mountain.”

“Country music eats away at my soul.”

“When I saw the Taylor Swift goat video it changed my life for the better.”

“This is how my body reacts when my dreams come true.” (after flailing around Wal-Mart because of nail polish)

“I can climb the track like a ladder and walk faster than this ride.” (on The Cyclone, top speed 55 mph)

“If Ellen gave me tickets to meet One Direction I would become a heap on the floor and have to mop up my own tears with my body.”

“A piece of me dies every day I don’t go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.”

“I would rather chew off my own foot and eat it than buy a book with the movie poster as the cover.”

“If Miley Cyrus wins best female music video I will drown myself in the tears of Billy Ray Cyrus.”

“This breeze is Jesus telling us He cares.”

“It was like I found a piece of my heart that I didn’t know was missing.” (on seeing live boyband dancing)

“Well, I saw the Backstreet Boys last weekend so we’re gonna have to accept that rest of the weekends in my life will be living in that shadow.”

Circle of (Having No) LIfe

Hello, my name is Briana and I am awkward.

I have come up with a theory of why I have stayed awkward throughout my life and why I will remain awkward until the day I die.  I like to call it “The Socially Awkward Circle of Having No Life”

Stage 1: Be Extremely Awkward

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Some people are born with great athleticism, some people are born natural leaders, some people are born with a knack for science, and some people are born unable to control their face, limbs, or the words coming out their mouths.  Everyday is like “oh sorry, first day with this new body and I don’t know how it works yet.”  You stand stupidly pushing a pull door for five minutes before someone opens it for you.  Sometimes you even hit a stranger in the dining hall with your awkward limbs and say yell something terrible like “sorry, guy” then become immediately horrified at your word vomit, make an equally terrible face and then literally run away with your grilled cheese in hand.

Stage 2: Hate Being Around People (Because You Are Extremely Awkward)

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Being around people is terrifying.  You have to wear pants, not sporadically burst into song & dance, and try to pass as a human.  There’s an insurmountable amount of stress in looking presentable and sounding like a coherent, functioning human at the same time. The worst part is having to actually communicate with other people; if people don’t like that you sometimes communicate through clicking your tongue and meowing then you don’t want to be around people.

Stage 3: Actively Avoid Being Around People

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“Oh, there’s [insert any social gathering] tonight?  Sorry, I can’t go! I would, but I have too much Netflix to watch work to do.  Bummer, next time for sure!”

*sits in room watching TV shows and movies in pajamas and eating Ben & Jerry’s out of the carton*

Stage 4: Sit In Your Room By Yourself

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This is the best part.  There’s no figuring out normal people wear, no figuring out what to say, no masquerade of normality,  just pure and natural existence in your own state of awkward.  You’re free to watch TV shows & movies, read, have a Me Party, eat limitlessly, talk/sing/make noises to yourself, surf the world wide web or anything at all without being bothered by the outside world.  Because let’s face it, Dexter, Fat Amy and Katniss all need you more than the people in the real world need you.

Stage 5: Try To Break Cycle By Being Social

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At this point you start looking at the people around actively and purposely socializing with other people and you start to think that you are just as capable as anyone.  Maybe you’re just awkward because you don’t try to be social.  If all these biddies and bros can do it, then you can do it too.  So you muster up all your courage and go out in the world and make your best attempt at social interaction.

Stage 6: Fail

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No. No. No. No. No. Why am I here? Who are these people? Why did I think I could this? I hate everyone and everything. I will never be social again.

Stage 7: Keep Sitting In Your Room By Yourself

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You don’t need people. People are scary.  You’re much happier the way you were with your Netflix and food.  You’ll be better off by sticking with what you know and you can never watch the Bella’s finals too many times, anyway.

Stage 8: Remain Extremely Awkward

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“I AM AWKWARD!” Say it loud and say it proud.  You’re never gonna stop being socially awkward because you’re never social enough to become comfortable being social.  You even tried breaking out of your awkward shell by being social and that just did not go well at all.  So hang tough, for you are in for a long and awkward life.