A Definitive Ranking Of One Direction’s Music Videos

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

9. “Gotta Be You”

I need to start off with a disclaimer: all of these videos are great. Just because this one is bringing up the rear doesn’t negate it’s greatness, there’s just some really stiff competition.  All the boys look adorable and oh so charming dressed up in their winter wardrobe (that I wouldn’t mind sharing with them), but that’s really the best thing the “Gotta Be You” video has to offer.

8. “What Makes You Beautiful”

Disclaimer #2: this is not a ranking of songs, otherwise this would obviously be much higher on the list, it’s all about the video.  This video makes you want to drive around and hang out at the beach with your five best foreign friends with the most FHP (future hot potential).

7. “Story of My Life”

This video hits you right in your feels. Who doesn’t love recreations of family photos? No one. Because they’re great.  This video is filled with recreations of family photos.  Therefore, this video is great.  Transitive property.  Boom, math.

6. “One Thing”

What’s not to love about the boys running amok around London?  It’s so wonderful that you really have to watch it at least five times (one time focus on each guy, obviously) to make sure you catch each and every moment of greatness.

5. “Best Song Ever”

Cinematic classic.   It has the most “boyband dancing” we’ll likely ever see from One Direction (because they’re pretty bad dancers in the most amazing kind of way). But the best part of video can be summed up in one word: Marcel.

4. “Little Things”

Black and white. Liam and Niall playing guitar.  No girls, so it’s like the boys are singing just to you. I. Can’t. Handle. It.

3. “Live While We’re Young”

ALERT: WE HAVE REACHED FHP.  This is arguably the most attractive the boys have looked as a whole.  And has anyone ever done more fun doing anything than the people in this music video? No, because this is most fun anyone has ever had in the history of the universe.  Also the combination of Zayn, Harry before all his stupid tattoos, Zayn, big balls, this dance, and Zayn is killer.

2. “One Way Or Another (Teenage Kicks)”

Because of when Niall frolicked like this

when Zayn seduced you with his eyebrows like this

when Louis hip thrusted like this

when Liam lead a conga line like this

and when Harry was the cutest thing since Marcel.
And it was for charity.  Because Niall, Zayn, Louis, Liam and Harry are great humans.

1. “Kiss You”

SO TELL ME GIRL IF EVERY TIME WE TO-O-UCH YOU GET THIS KIND OF RU-U-USH — oh, sorry did you say something? I can’t hear you over the sound of watching this perfect music video 7,348,234 times.

If You Could Have Dinner With Any 7 Celebrities, Who Would You Pick?

I came across this question years ago on Tumblr and still have yet to decide who my 7 celebrity guests would be.  The deadly combination of loving 8 million celebrities and being absurdly indecisive makes it nearly impossible to narrow it down to a mere 7 celebs.  So, I have several tables that I want to sit at and refuse to pick one or rank them in any order.  Here are some of my celebrity tables:

The Smith Family Table I am obsessed with the Smiths. They are the coolest family probably ever and I want to be a part of it.  We would all hang out at our mansion, I would braid Willow’s hair, we’d watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and have rap battles (go to 7:12 for the epicness).  Are you listening Will and Jada? I’m ready to be adopted.

1. Will Smith – HE IS TOO COOL.
2. Jada Pinkett Smith – She married the coolest guy around.  That automatically gives her ten thousand swag points.
3. Willow Smith – Is it bad that one of my role models is 12-years-old? (Don’t answer that.)
4. Trey Smith – The Smith child no one knows about. I KNOW ABOUT YOU, TREY. He also represents my second chance of joining the Smith family.  If Will and Jada foolishly decide to not adopt me, I’ll have to marry into the family and Trey is the age-appropriate Smith son.  Are you listening, Trey? I’M READY FOR MARRIAGE. (Don’t I sound like a real catch?)
5. Jaden Smith – Okay, so After Earth wasn’t great.  But the Pursuit of Happyness was, and every time I listen to “Never Say Never” I rewind and listen to his rap again and again.
6. Usher – The swag at this table is about to breach capacity. He oozes coolness and makes awesome music.  Not to mention he was a huge upgrade from Cee Lo Green as a coach on The Voice. (Are The Voice producers reading this? WE WANT USHER AND SHAKIRA BACK!)  He seems a bit random to be seated at this table, but he makes more sense when you see who #7 is…
7. Justin Bieber – JBiebz and Jaden are BFFLs.  Justin hangs out at the Smith mansion all the time, so he fits in seamlessly at this table and I love him (hopefully at this family dinner we can address his life and help him get back on track).

The SNL Table Who wouldn’t want to eat with these people who are paid to be funny?

1. Jimmy Fallon – He is hilarious, he has a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor and he loves games.  Not to mention his dancing.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Jimmy Fallon should always be dancing.  Whether he is impersonating Justin Bieber or just doing his own thing, his dancing is definitive proof that love and happiness exist.
2. Tina Fey – She’s the funniest woman ever. The end.
3. Amy Poehler – It’s not even an option to separate Amy from Tina, they are a match made in Heaven.
4. Kristen Wiig – She gives Tina Fey a run for her money for funniest woman.  Who didn’t love Bridesmaids? NO ONE.
5. Seth Meyers – The Weekend Update is always hilarious and he’s a Red Sox fan. What else could you ask for?
6. Andy Samberg – His Digital Shorts and The Lonely Island are two of the greatest things to happen in my life.
7. Justin Timberlake – While not a cast member, he is ALWAYS great when he’s on and also he’s JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. He can sit anywhere he wants.  I have placed myself between him and Jimmy so I can be right in the middle of the most adorable and perfect friendship of all time.

The One Direction Table You knew this was coming.  There’s only 5 guests necessary here.

1. Liam Payne – Flawless human,
2. Niall Horan – Flawless human.
3. Zayn Malik  – Flawless human.
4. Louis Tomlinson – Flawless human.
5. Harry Styles – Flawless human.

The Avengers Table Because superheroes.  Sorry, ScarJo, but if I invited you to this dinner my female competition goes from zero to infinity.

1. Chris Hemsworth – It’s inappropriate how many times I’ve Google Image searched “Chris Hemsworth and baby.”  Not to mention he plays the namesake of my future firstborn child.
2. Tom Hiddleston – He is so silly and too adorable with children. And British. That’s important.
3. Joss Whedon – He was a writer for The  Avengers and Toy Story, two of the best movies ever.  And his screenplays are amazing and hilarious.
4. Robert Downey, Jr. – Because obviously.
5. Jeremy Renner – I would demand kindly request that he speak in his Boston accent from The Town throughout the entire dinner.
6. Mark Ruffalo – Remember that time he danced to “Thriller” with Jennifer Garner?
7. Chris Evans – He has played TWO superheroes and he’s from Boston.  Also arms.

The Random Awesomeness Table Pretty much the coolest people who always seem down for anything.

1. Matt Damon – Good Will Hunting, the Bourne trilogy, Ocean’s Eleven, The Departed…am I naming Matt Damon movies or my favorite movies? The better question is: what’s the difference?  Did I mention that he’s from Boston and loves the Red Sox and he’s pretty much perfect all around?  Well, he is.
2. Ben Affleck – Matt Damon’s BFFL, another Bostonian and Sox fan, he stars in, writes and directs great movies and unlike the rest of the internet, I don’t hate that he’s going to be Batman.
3. Hugh Jackman – Have you even seen his 2009 Oscars opening number? IT’S THE GREATEST 7 MINUTES AND 46 SECONDS ON THE INTERNET.
4. Joseph Gordon-Levitt – He was in a baseball movie, a heist movie, a superhero movie and a Disney movie.  That’s pretty much everything I love.  He also had one of the best opening monologues on SNL.
5. Anna Kendrick – We have so much in common and would get along so well.  Buzzfeed already pretty much summed up why she would be the most amazing best friend.
6. Ellen DeGeneres – Does anyone NOT love her? No, because that’s scientifically impossible.  If you don’t love Ellen you have no soul and we can’t be friends.
7. Heidi Klum – Perfection in human form.

Wait…where’s Jennifer Lawrence? Emma Watson? Jackie Robinson? Jennifer Aniston?  Don’t fret, my friends.  I have not forgotten them, they are seated at my Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Baseball and Friends tables. You can imagine what those tables look like. So, who’s at your table?